Why I created this blog – December 30th 2011
A very good and close friend, after reading the blog questioned my motives for creating it, after all, I have lived my life successfully as a woman for almost 40 years now, so why would I want to risk everything and want to become known as a transsexual.
Well, I was surprised at first, if I am being honest as I no longer regard myself as a transsexual after all those years, I am just me, a very plain ordinary female who has worked hard all my life and have owned two very successful businesses. She posed the question to me “It’s the term coming out I’m interested in analysing, because here you are coming out again – from what to what exactly? What are you saying exactly to the people who might be reading this blog?”
After reflecting on this for a few minutes, I replied that I didn’t think this was another transition, but she countered by saying that in the eyes of the people who might be reading the blog, I just might transition from being a woman to being a transsexual once again – a kind of retrograde step. I replied that I didn’t think that I was transitioning at this stage though – just being honest about my past and wanting people to be aware that people like myself do exist in society and saying, yes, there are people around you who might be going through this at this very minute – please make it easier for them, don’t judge them until you see the person that they are capable of becoming. It might be your son or daughter, your brother or your sister, a relative or a close friend. Please do not turn your backs on them, they need your love, your support and your understanding at this critical time in their lives.
This was brought home to me quite forcefully on Christmas Day, which I had been invited to share with a very dear friend and her family. In the early evening her grandson (aged 8) and granddaughter (aged 6) were playing an X-Box game and for some reason the controllers went funny and the character she had chosen for herself (a little girl) was constantly referred to as being a boy – and the character her grandson had chosen (a little boy) was constantly referred to as being a girl. At first her grandson started mocking his sister and saying she was a boy and she became very upset at this and told him that he was a girl. He became extremely angry about this and hit her on the arm at which point she burst into tears and came for a cuddle and reassurance that indeed she was a little girl and her brother stormed out of the room. Eventually peace was restored and his father brought him back into the room and made him apologise to her. Even at such tender ages, these children were absolutely certain of their own genders and both became very upset when this was challenged by the other child. What it did do was also remind me of my own childhood and the stark contrast to my own experiences, where the boys would tease me by calling me by a girl’s name, labelling me a cissy – and my joy at them doing this.
The few people that have known about my own struggle to become me, have always remarked upon how brave I was – but to me, it has never been about bravery in becoming me – if anything, the bravery had been coping with being trapped in the wrong body for all those years and concealing it from those I loved and those who loved me. The actual transition was the easy step in most ways, as I had finally started to accept who I was and was finally taking the steps to becoming the person I had always known myself to be – and that was wonderfully liberating and finally eliminated all the anger and self hatred which I had had to cope with for all those years.
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