Finding My Fierce

Reblogged from the Growing Up Transgender blog. These are the words from a brave mother of a transgender child, telling of the love she has for her child, the worries for her child’s future in the face of an increasingly hostile media and so called “experts” who have no idea whatever about what it actually means and feels like to be transgender – but enough of my words, listen to her words and her fierce emotions  which are expressed so eloquently in this poem

Finding My Fierce

a poem about the fierce protective love of a motherMy heart is racing

My mouth is dry,

I bite my lip, I try not to cry

The pressure is sinking me,

My head will soon pop,

The criticism, the hate,

When will it stop

 

A headline, opinion, radio debate,

Another scare story, platform of hate

Day after day another attack

The mindless celebrity, the scientist quack

All spouting distortion, spitting out lies

They don’t know the facts, yet pretend to be wise

About surgery, hormones, desistance, trends

They couldn’t care less about my child and their friends

 

“There is a durable biological underpinning to gender identity”

This isn’t a choice

 

But I feel so alone

I can’t find my voice

 

I see how you stare on the playground each day

Eyeing the dress, judging the way

That I raise my family

It couldn’t happen to you

With your conforming children

You’d know what to do

If your child cried about gender in bed every night

If your child was depressed, saw no hope in sight

If you held them as they sobbed in your arms

Asking you to love them just as they are

 

The hate almost breaks me, it makes me despair

So many lies, so much distortion, it is all so unfair

I’m so close to crumbling, my head is a spin

I can’t let myself sink under, can’t let them win

I feel so hopeless, so alone, fragile and weak

If no one will stand up, I need to speak

I need to find courage

It must be somewhere deep

If I don’t come up fighting

I’ll lie here and weep

 

But the thing is

Now

they are happy

I wish you could see

They know who they are

They just want to be

Left alone to live their life

without fears

Without pointing fingers,

and whispers and jeers

 

You want me to squash them,

make them feel small

Tell them there’s no space for them

in this world at all

But the world is bigger than you can know

There’s room for trans children to grow

Up into adults who will succeed and thrive

Who will be happy

Thankful to be alive

 

I see their spirit, their courage, their heart

They need vocal allies, me for a start

They need sturdy defenders,

stood by their side

Telling the world they are perfect,

they don’t need to hide.

So I will stick up for them,

fight the battles to come

I will find my fierce,

my strength,

be a mum

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